One of my fears of doing a pop-culture review website is that I’ll be seen as lowbrow. But I’m really not! I like nice things as well. Isn’t Schindler’s List a brilliant film?
So to prove to everyone that I can talk about high art, I’ve decided to pick out the highest form of art I could find.
“Yeah” by Usher.
You probably remember it, but in case not, take another look. We’ll meet back here afterwards.
There, wasn’t so bad, was it? It’s your standard man-meets-woman-in-a-nightclub early 2000’s R’n’B pop tune. It’s a fun, up-tempo dance-y number, the type you can’t help but move and sing along to after a few drinks. You’ve probably heard it hundreds of times over the years, but have never really taken it in. It’s one of those things.
Expect it’s not. It’s really not.
Let’s take a look, shall we?
“Up in the club with my homies, tryna get a lil’ V-I, but keep it down on the low key ’cause you know how it feels.”
So far, so normal. Just a guy going to the club, hanging out with his friends. Sounds fun.
“I saw shorty she was checkin’ up on me, from the game she was spittin’ in my ear you would think that she knew me. So we decided to chill”
Again, so far, so reasonable. This sounds like a delightful evening.
“Conversation got heavy, she had me feelin’ like she’s ready to blow”
That’s, um…. I hope that’s a metaphor. They’ve just met. But hey, I’m not one to judge.
“She’s saying, ‘Come get me! Come get me!’ So I got up and followed her to the floor, she said, ‘Baby, let’s go’. That’s when I told her I said ‘Yeah'”
“Yeah”? That’s your best move? Here’s this girl saying she’s ready to blow you, and you follow up with “yeah”? Hmm. Maybe he’s playing hard to get. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
“Yeah, I got so caught up I forgot she told me, yeah, her and my girl used to be the best of homies”
WHOA. This guy had a girlfriend all along? And this girl is one of her friends? And she just told him that?
This has taken a turn for the worse.
“Yeah, next thing I knew she was all up on me screaming ‘yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah’.”
Well, that escalated quickly.
Anyone else troubled by the image of this woman “all up on him” screaming the word “yeah” 12 times in a row? Not saying, not whispering, but screaming? In the middle of a dancefloor in a club?
You’ve got a girlfriend, Usher. Don’t be that guy.
“So she’s all up in my head now, got me thinking that it might be a good idea to take her with me ’cause she’s ready to leave”
Eesh. Mrs. Usher is not going to be happy.
“But I gotta keep it real now, ’cause on a one to ten she’s a certified twenty, but that just ain’t me”
Oh, I don’t know, Usher. That sounds very much like you.
“Because I don’t know if I take that chance just where is it gonna lead”
I’ve got an idea.
“But what I do know is the way she dance makes shorty alright with me. The way she get low, I’m like ‘yeah’, just work that out for me. She asked for one more dance and I’m like ‘yeah’, how the hell am I supposed to leave?”
Ugh, show some self-restraint, Usher. You’re embarrassing yourself.
Oh, phew. Usher’s good friend Ludacris is here. He’s probably seen that Usher has had one too many and is making a fool of himself. I imagine he’s heading over to have a quiet word in Usher’s ear to put him on the straight and narrow.
What a good friend.
“My outfit’s ridiculous, in the club lookin’ so conspicuous.”
Okay, now’s not the time to get self-conscious, ‘cris. Usher needs help.
“And Rowl! These women all on the prowl, if you hold the head steady I’m a milk the cow”
Erm… what? “If you hold the head steady I’ll milk the cow”? What does that even mean?
To Urban Dictionary!
Milk The Cow: When a “non-farmer” city guy goes to his room to masturbate.
I may be misunderstanding, but I’m pretty sure Ludacris just asked Usher, who is about to cheat on his girlfriend, if he can watch and knock one out.
“Forget about the game, I’m a spit the truth, I won’t stop till I get ’em in they birthday suits. So gimmie the rhythm and it’ll be off with their clothes, then bend over to the front and touch your toes”
You’re not helping, Ludacris.
“I left the Jag and I took the Rolls, if they ain’t cutting then I put ’em on foot patrol. How you like me now, when my pinky’s valued over three hundred thousand? Let’s drank you the one to please, Ludacris fill cups like double D’s.”
You’re the worst.
“Me and Ush once more and we leave ’em dead, we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed to say ‘yeah’”
I’m not sure if a “lady” is what you’re looking for, guys.
They then go on to say the word “yeah” a lot more. I can completely understand how Ludacris ended up with his nickname.
So, with the evidence at hand I can only imagine Usher did end up going back with this girl, and Luda watched from the corner while “milking the cow”.
Tomorrow is going to be awkward.
“Yeah” by Usher Rating: Urban Dictionary is the best.
This isn’t the only brilliantly rubbish thing I’ve analysed. You can take a look at the others here:
- She’s Got That Vibe by R Kelly
- It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy
- It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy (video version)
- Mysterious Girl by Peter Andre
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